Friday, August 30, 2013

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

One of the first things I do in the morning is look at my body in the mirror. I'm checking to see if I appear to have gained weight, lost or stayed the same. I've done this for so long ( since my teenage years ) I can see it right away. I'm a pro. I'm so good at it that if I choose to get on the scale I can guess within a few pounds what my current weight is. My clothes are a sure sign even more so than the mirror check. As I slip on a pair of pants, slide them up over my hips and before I even zip or button....I know!!! I think about it every morning. I try not to worry so much about my weight. I really do try. Is it a lifelong habit, am I just cautious or am I obsessed? I'm not considered over weight by today's society,( I think, Hmmm). I am 5.9, about 168lb. and a comfortable size 12.  Plus size, a big girl, thick, curvy, blah blah blah. The strange thing is I have more confidence in myself today than I did 20 years ago when I weighed 15lb less and everything was firm.

 My Mom and me about 15 years ago. I was 150lb here and thought I was HUGE!

 Today I have cellulite, sagging skin, wrinkles, and female parts heading south. When I did the mirror check 20 years ago it dictated my whole day. Wider hips = bad day. Flatter tummy = good day. Sad huh? This mornings mirror check for instance.... I would prefer to be about 10lb lighter but it's not going to spoil my day. I'm feeling pretty good. My husband thinks I'm sexy. When I get all dressed up...I think I look pretty good. So, the answer to my own question? I feel like it's a habit because I've done it since I was  teenager.  But it's not necessarily a bad thing. Because somewhere along the way I became more accepting of my body.  So when did my feelings change?  That is a good question. I don't know exactly just somewhere in my mid 40's. How did it happen? Now that is a even better question. This is my answer.... I care more about being healthy as I'm aging than I care about being skinny. I want to live to be a ripe old age. I want to see my great Grandchildren. I want to pass on wisdom and family history. I associate keeping my weight down with being healthy. I don't have to be a bean pole ( the way I used to think) to be healthy or beautiful for that matter. I began to realize there were more important things to worry about than looking like a super model. As I get older, continue to learn and go through trials and tribulations I realize what is important and what isn't. Being a size 8 or smaller just doesn't concern me anymore. I don't have it all figured out believe me. After all I'm still doing the mirror check and the clothing test. Maybe one day I won't care about those things either. For now I'm thankful for my health and for the opportunity to learn something new about my life everyday.

This is me now. I love my front porch

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